Interviewed at the company where a close friend works and it made everything weird

He referred me and was properly excited about it. First round within two days, which never happens to me otherwise.

Then at the onsite I worked out the team was the one he'd been venting to me about for a year — different manager, same org. And I couldn't tell him I was leaning no without it sounding like a verdict on his judgement, or his workplace, or him.

Turned it down. He said all the right things. There was a beat before he said them.

Would I do it again? Yes, the referral was worth it. I'd just be much clearer up front that a referral gets me a conversation, not a decision, so nobody starts planning lunches before I've met the team.